My Travels

Hi fans, I am writing this blog from O’Hare Airport in Chicago, IL, approximately 1hr before I board the plane. Man is it exciting! It truly is amazing how I went into Terminal 5 and I felt like I entered the United Nations. For all of you that cannot afford to go over-seas just go to your international airport and step into the international terminal. It is just as good as a visit to whatever country, for a fraction of the cost. I ask you, how is Spain any different from the terminal, the people don’t speak English and there is a McDonalds?

As I am sitting here looking at the Chicago skyline I want to take a moment to reflect on my past two weeks in the United States. Many of my fans (and by many, I mean my mom) asked me how have I prepared for this journey. It is very simple; everything I have done over the past two weeks has been a complete replication of what it will be like for the trip out to Israel.

My first form of preparation was training for the flight. I went out and hired three people; a heavy set man named Frederick, a mother named Betsy and her two year old daughter Misti. These people were hired solely for the fourteen-hour flight. The four of us would meet two times a week for exactly fourteen hours. Frederick would sit to my right, but because of his enormous size he was pretty much in my lap and Betsy and Misti sat to my left, where Misti spent exactly twelve hours crying, complaining, touching me, touching my seat, and pooping. Frederick and I worked really hard on having the same conversation and I believe with his teachings I can now tell you my name, where I’m from and then fake asleep. Betsy and Misti taught me even more – first was how to stay sane and second was to appreciate “bogger hands” touching your hair. Another form of training that I worked on was with my roommate, Noah Gottlieb (aka Perma). He has been amazing through this whole process and I will accredit most of my successes to this young man. Every night, right after I fell asleep, Perma would sneak into my room, turn off the air-conditioning, and then speak through a loud speaker, “This is your captain speaking, sorry about the delay, it seems that our engine has a minor problem, but we will be off the ground in no time.” I think I am ready for all the elements.

The next part of my preparation was getting ready for the three-hour layover in Milan. Yes it seems like a very short time, but it is an interregnal part of the training. I prepared for this by having my friend from middle school, Mario, speak to me in Italian as fast as he possibly could and then he would point to things that didn’t apply to my flight or life. Did he teach me a lot, no, and now Mario and I are no longer friends.

The final part of my preparation was simulating Israel. This was a little trickier, but I think we got it close enough. I moved to the beach on Lake Michigan and built a Kibbutz. On this Kibbutz I gave up all worldly possessions and I lived off the land. I caught four-eyed fish from the lake and I carried a Machine Gun for protection. I want to thank the Chicago Police for posing as Insurgents and for allowing me to fire rubber bullets at them. Everyone on the beach was so kind.

I truly believe that I am ready for this experience. I am very excited and I look forward to spending time in Israel. To my teammates – opening day is around the corner (fans in Chicago, New York, Miami, Boston, LA please tune to PBS on July 1st to watch us dominate), lets have a little fun and make the league proud.